A beginning of one end
OMG, GTFO, HFS, we have reached Wellington. WELLINGTON!
For you who don’t know, it is the capital city of New Zealand and also the bottom of North Island.
This means we have just walked 1700km!
This means we have finished one whole Island.
This means party and celebrations!
This means rest.
From Waikanae it took us two days to reach Wellington, through two small towns and some redicilously beautiful hilly walks. We knew we were getting close when the wind was threatening to blow us of the hills.
Wellington is the bomb dude. Seriously, we have even thought about moving here. It is the capital of hipsters, cafes, hipster cafes, quirky shops, beeping cars, friendly faces and a beautiful windy coast. The layout of the city is great and they know what a public transport system means. It is actually affordable to live here, well compared to Auckland anywhere would be. There is defiantly things to get used to though, like for instance, what is up with the nose rings? One girl even had an engagement ring there (I’m certain it was). Oh, no I’m not talking about the cute studs on the side of the nose, no, I’m talking about the full-on bull ring situation.
We did the ‘Weta Workshops’ tour and although I don’t poses any fine skills like the ones you would need to create the incredibly perfectly sculpted figures and prosthetics, I decided I should work there. Jacob, who so kindly offered up his home to us, showed us round the city – best tour guide ever, actually best guy ever! He really took care of us the whole time, making this all so much easier and enjoyable for us. A big shout out to Stephan, Jacobs’s roommate too, for putting up with us and our stuff everywhere. Thank you so much. If you join the trail at any point we will try to return the favour.
Apart from seeing the city and doing our preparations for South Island I have had some time to think and I think I want to be honest with you.
Sometimes I feel like a zombie staring into a world I don’t know. People talk to me, laugh, ask me questions about the trip and I can see myself laughing and answering back but I feel so distant, like I’m not really being a part of it like I’m watching it unfold from the side. I wonder if this is what people talked about when they said you need time to reintegrate back into normal life. I just didn’t think it would affect me that much. I can’t wait to be on the track again because that is the only thing that makes sense right now. I’m enjoying the couch at Jacobs house and a part of me is scared to go back out there again but it feels like that’s the only thing I can do right now, the only place I belong and can function properly in my current headspace.
On our first day arriving in Wellington I was just too eager to be done, to meet my friend Jacob and to have a good feast and a drink. Although it was amazing, being there surrounded by people, I strangely felt that feeling I do when I’m not in the forests. I was distant like someone had drawn an invisible curtain in front of me, separating me from everyone else. I desperately tried to get through, pretending it wasn’t there but every now and again I kept falling back behind my wall.
I’m searching for feelings but I can’t seem to quite get in touch with myself and it scares me a little bit. If I knew this was only temporary and it was ok to feel this way, that it was ok to - after a 1700km walking - feel the need to just lie inside for a while, to wrap myself in a blanket and just sleep for ridiculous amounts of hours, I would let it be but I’m not sure it is ok. I thought this whole trip was about getting more motivated, more excited about life and finding my passion and bravery but right now I’m feeling further away from all of that than ever. Was this the wrong thing to be getting in to? Am I doing this the wrong way around? I feel conflicted.
Yes, things have changed in me, I can feel that, not as drastically as I would have wished for but all in all I do feel better. The thing is, I only feel that change when I’m out there, climbing the muddy tracks, crossing rivers or walking through bushy forests. It’s like that’s where the true power lies and when I stop it drains away. I don’t want it to drain away, I need it to stay and I don’t want to stand around to find out if it will return. Maybe all I need is a rest.
I am excited to be surrounded by the beautiful and powerful mountains of South Island but I’m scared too because as the days go by the autumn is drawing closer.
Going back to Auckland and my normal life has been something I have been longing for so much, at times it was unbearable but now, when I really think about it, it terrifies me. I am not ready and I’m so happy I have a whole Island to get through. Let’s just hope the weather is good to us.
I guess I have new questions to ask myself and new things to face. Maybe I’m getting more lost while trying to find my way or is this part of the process? Or am I simply over analysing things again? I do have a tendency to do that. One things for sure, I know I’m not ready to quit yet, I’ve got a long way ahead and whatever it takes, I will stand at that sign post down at the bottom of the country. It’s a nice feeling to want something that bad. In the beginning I wasn’t even sure I would make it this far. One Island is done but I am not, not even close. BANZAI!